An Open Letter to my Daughter on her 18th Birthday

A testament of my love for you.

Dear Naakko,

You are 18 today and you have reached a major peak in your life, but it has only just begun. I eagerly wait with hope to see what your life has in store for you. Of all the things I am capable of giving you today, I feel my words are the most valuable.

These are exciting times for you: finishing high school, going to university, moving out on your own, starting a career, paying your own way, dating, marriage, having kids. The possibilities are endless. But, I’m not going to lie. At times, life is going to get rough. It’s foreseeable; however, it’s all in how you handle the stress of life that determines whether or not you will succeed. Having a negative attitude toward the stress and being pessimistic will not resolve anything. Taking deep breaths, keeping an optimistic attitude and developing a character that doesn’t quit will take you much further in life than anyone tells you.

I remember back 18 years ago to the day you were born. I remember the times I had undergone at Raa Regional hospital which I briefed you at times. Let bygones be bygones, and let the storm by. From the moment you were born my life began to bloom. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe. Since I am the only child my mom had, I looked at you as my first real blood relative, my sibling, my best friend, and most of all you are my little princess. That moment of your birth was the day I realized I wasn’t alone in the universe. I had you.

When I look at you, I see my own eyes looking back at me. They are thoughtful, ambitious, spontaneous and quick to find the good in others. I can only hope you learn to find the good in yourself. People will disappoint you. It’s in their nature. It’s the ones who disappoint you, own up to it, apologize and never do it again that are worth keeping around. At the same time, be careful with whom you choose to associate and don’t be so naive to believe that you can trust just anyone. Make others prove their worthiness to be trusted as anyone of thorough mind will ask of you. Be someone people can rely on, but don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of either. Stand up for yourself and for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

Love yourself and don’t allow anyone to make you feel less of a person through their words or actions. You, and you alone, are in control of your emotions and well-being. By allowing someone else to taint your self-worth, you give them power over you.

Choose your battles. Life is too short to be arguing with someone all the time about everything. This goes for friends and family as well as any future romantic relationships. Be empathetic and put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. You will be rewarded in ways that you have yet to understand.

Don’t be a bystander…ever. Get involved.

A smile at the right time will always go a long way.

When you find the love of your life and eventually get married, let go of the little things. The toilet seat doesn’t matter. Who forgot to unload the dishwasher means nothing. Whose turn it is to change the baby’s diaper isn’t worth the argument. Most things in life are “little things”. By learning to go with the flow and learning to laugh at the appropriate moments, your marriage will be successful.

Marry that special person who makes you laugh. Whatever you do, don’t allow him to place you on a pedestal to be worshiped, because when valuables fall, they break. Make sure he sees you as an equal and is willing to walk beside you and not force you to the rear. Remember to get refrain yourself from all the kuffaar and whatever is considered sinful. Put the marriage first of every such thing, and ultimately your children will see what a real, loving marriage is and will be all the better for it.

You have potential for great things. Your love of the sibling with special needs is one of the things that make you amazing. Remembering that he is the reason you have a purpose in life will take you far…farther than I think you realize.

Please do avoid anything that you feel wrong, don’t do it. If you know it’s wrong, don’t go along with it.

Be a leader, not a follower.

Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Yes, you’re now officially an adult, but that definition goes far beyond just being a number. Being an adult means being responsible with all aspects of your life. There is plenty of time to move out and live on your own. Other than the job that you are dreaming of, your only other job for the next few years should be discovering who you are as a person, going to university, and learning from the mistakes of the adults around you. There are many of us who came before you that have made plenty of mistakes, me included. Don’t make the same ones.

Think long-term and not short-term. The mistakes you make now can haunt you forever. You don’t want to live with that kind of guilt.

Ask for advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness…instead, it is a sign of maturity that shows you know the depth of your limitations.

If someone gives you constructive criticism, don’t assume they’re being critical. Take it for what it is and smile. It may be the best advice you ever receive.

Above all else, remember you are loved. You have reached a huge milestone in your life. You may not have such a big extended family to celebrate it. but I assure that you are surrounded by the people who would each give their own lives to protect you and keep you safe. And that’s much better. None of us want to see you fall, fail or get hurt. Your family is forever with you. Size doesn’t matter.

Follow your dreams. Never give up on something you desperately want. Ever.

Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in my life which I have been briefing you always.

You are my first-born. You are my love and all things good in my heart. When you hurt, I hurt. When you have joy, I have joy.

Happy birthday baby. I love you…forever.

Mom